I love to think of comparison as the little voice inside my head that starts to tell me I am not good enough. That if I try to do better or try something new, I’ll just fail. So, why even try?
Then, I join in on a self-pity party and start to tear myself down – a spiral that gets me in a dark corner of self-doubt and toxic thoughts.
It’s not a good place to be. Once you’re there, it’s difficult to come out. It takes work to rid yourself of toxic thoughts (it can take years and usually requires the help of others). What you think really does determine who you become. So, you need to catch it before it gets to that dark corner.
Why does the dark corner of self-doubt happen? Here is a break down:
- We make up a definition of what it means to be perfect.
- We apply that expectation on ourselves.
- When we don’t meet that expectation, we doubt our abilities.
- If we see someone who we think is meeting that expectation, we start to critique every little thing that we are doing wrong.
Our focus is honed in on what we are doing wrong. And that’s where we have it all wrong. What we need to be doing is focusing on everything we are doing RIGHT. We need to focus on our strengths, not our weaknesses. How do we do that?
- First, chuck the word PERFECT into the trash. It doesn’t exist. There’s not a person on this planet that is perfect. We all make mistakes. And that person, you are comparing yourself to is not perfect. You don’t know what her life is like behind the doors of her home. She might seem to be perfect, but most likely she is suffering from the same doubts you are carrying.
- Once you rid your life of the word PERFECT, you can free yourself of that silly definition you made up and stop giving yourself unrealistic expectations.
- Next, determine what is causing your toxic thoughts. They are negatively impacting your life and sometimes even your relationships; so, knowing where the toxic thoughts are coming from will help free yourself to focus on your strengths. Unfortunately, the toxic thoughts can stem from people that are in your life. Be extremely honest with yourself when determining where the toxic thoughts and self-doubt is coming from. It is only going to help you drop those comparisons and get rid of self-doubt.
- Once you have embraced that everyone is imperfect and where the toxic thoughts originate, you can focus on what makes you, YOU (your story). You can focus on working to rid yourself of negativity and focus on the positives.
ACTION STEP: What are your strengths? Write down at least 5 things you are great at doing. Hang that paper somewhere you frequent (like the bathroom mirror or the fridge). Every time you see the paper, read the list aloud. It will become your mantra, “I am a lion. Hear me ROAR!” Probably not that extreme. But, if you see and hear the words that describe what you are great at doing, you will start to live and breathe them – which builds confidence.
[PS – If you’re struggling with entrepreneurship, feeling burnt out, or just want a space to talk about the real struggles you’re going through in your business, come hang out with us in the Gem Nation Facebook Group.]
You now know your strengths. You can carry them with confidence. With that confidence comes the courage to contribute your strengths to a team.
When you are part of a team, you are all working together to achieve a goal. You all have a job to do to meet that goal. Knowing you are part of a whole, you can find your meaning and function as part of the team. You are a step closer than some. You dropped the word perfect and embraced imperfect. You got rid of the negatives in your life and you are focusing on your strengths. So, you know exactly what your meaning and function is while working towards a common goal with others.
You won’t get caught up in the comparison/competition game. You know the goal. You know your strengths. You know what you are highly capable of contributing. Voice that out loud to your team and encourage others to voice the ways they can contribute. Build collaboration. Become the team that lifts each other up and knows where everyone’s strengths and weaknesses lie (so you all know exactly what each member is responsible for and who to pair up if needed). If you are open and candid with the members of your team, the more likely you will succeed. The cohesiveness you all created will get you where you’re headed.
In summary, focus on what makes you the awesome person you are. Tell yourself everyday what makes you awesome. Fill your life with positivity to shut out the negativity; so, you can go about your day comparison free. When you have that confidence in yourself, you can work with others without ever being consumed with self-doubt in your abilities.
Ready to step up your collaboration game?
It is only when you are confident and strong in the vision of your brand that you can safely engage in collaborations. You are a powerful, passionate, rockstar business owner but you can’t do this on your own. You need to be able to let other people into your story. Become a Gem Nation VIP and check out the Collaboration Collection for resources will help you rock your way through collaborations while also developing valuable business relationships!